Glitter and Googley Eyes

Lately I've gotten really busy with the production of "Daylight Romance" as well as finals. It's been about two weeks now that I've been meaning to post, but I just haven't had the time at all. Other than school, I've just been trying to put together outfits that will make me feel better about myself, but I haven't really been succeeding. I still feel like shit. I'm still fat. I'm still ugly. But these outfits are cute. Plus, my hair has been dyed again. Though I do sort of wish I had just left it alone. (Another topic below these four OOTDs)

On Saturday, there was a conversation Luis had started with me. It's literally been bothering me that long. Not so much the conversation itself, but the fact that it seems there's a reason behind it or just that he had something on his mind I guess, and the fact that he ignored something he started. I don't really know how to explain myself, just that I like to document things in the moment and then I can't really decode them later on.

Here's how our conversation went:

Luis: But my point is how could we be friends if there's other things going on in your mind????

Me: There's always other things going on in the minds of people like me Luis. Why so curious?
Luis: Nothing subconcious that will arise later? Nothing that will get in between a friendship??
Me: Christ you sure do know how to make one feel backed into a corner. Subconcious? I don't really know. As for something that will get in between a friendship, I think I could prevent that.

Then there was the:

"Sorry but I've been in this situation before. Two girls. One I wanted and the other that kept everything to herself. Turns out that the other girl ended up liking me more than the girl I was chasing."

And we can't forget the:

Me: I feel odd now that I'm at a loss for words... I guess I just don't like to talk about things when there's a higher risk for me to be sad after I have.

Luis: Yeah but there's a higher risk of losing a friend over hidden emotions. So please, talk this through when you can.

Me: If emotions are hidden, then there'd be no risk.

Luis: Yeah, it seems that way until someone ends up getting hurt.
Me: It's usually the one who tries hiding emotions. Anyways, I suppose I could start with the night you asked me if I still had any remaining feelings. Maybe 5/6 months ago. I said no, even though I felt something, only because I wasn't sure what it was and wanted you to be happy. Maybe a month later, I felt a regret in doing so but knew it wasn't likely to have made a difference had I said so.

Luis: Yeah I remember but I'm focusing on now

Me: That's the thing, it's just as before with my not knowing exactly what's going on in my mind, and preferring to just keep quiet.
Luis: No, not this time Bridgette! I want this done and out in the open please.

Then there was the sending of messages at the same time which resulted in this:

Me: Why? It's not a problem and if you say it is, it's because you're making it so. It can't be very obvious or anything that there is some small feeling, especially because I've got no idea why.

Luis: But you're right. I'll ignore it.

Me: Just stated above so it clearly can't be ignored.

I mean, I just don't understand his train of thought. Like, why would this be anything similar to the other situation with the two females? And where did the concept of "hidden emotions" come from? I just don't understand why he seems to care so much about something that has never been talked about. Where did his theory, or blatant knowing, come from?