Little sisters are from hell

I'm growing more and more tired of having a younger sister. No matter how much my mum and stepdad deny it, it really is all about her. At least, if she wants something, he's jumping up to get it or take her or whatever; when I ask, I get yelled at about how it can't always be about me.

Today I am particularly pissy about it because of the general way she acts. She walks around dressed like a slut, which is my number one problem. No, I'm not slut shaming or whatever. She's just 13 years old and it is in no way appropriate. Not only that, but I'm still not allowed to dress the way she does. Then she wants to walk around being a little bitch, which makes it worse. I don't want your ass in my face while you make smart ass comments, idiot child.

Anyways, I asked her for her drawstring backpack, so I can use it for Warped on Friday. I literally cannot afford to go buy any bag of any type and she's borrowed literally all but two of my bags/purses - which I'd use but hello, Warped is not a place for leather purses. She brings it to me, with the drawstrings ripped off. Seriously? Are you fucking serious? You couldn't say "Oh, it's broken"? You bring it to me destroyed? I wouldn't really care, because it's hers, but the fact that she's destroyed everything she has borrowed from me and her things just pisses me off.

How selfish can someone be? She really needs a good ol' fashioned beating or something. Every time I turn around she's ruined something that doesn't belong to her or she's got tons of bags of chips open and wasting. It isn't a big deal, but when it adds up that she's got 15 bags on the table that are now stale and belong in the trash it's a problem. Other people in the house could have eaten that. Not just that, but if she wasn't going to eat them then the money adds up - that's a new drawstring bag right there. Growing up I was taught not to be wasteful and to respect the property of others or property that is going to be shared. I don't understand why she has no disregard for any of that.

Now I'm sitting here flipping my shit trying to figure out why she gets so much fucking attention and I'm trying to be conservative and can't even get enough attention to go get some vinegar so I can finish my shirt for Friday. I'm sitting here crying at my computer because my poster can't be finished without the paint that has magically gone missing, my shirt can't be finished without vinegar, and I can't get anything ready without a damn bag. Everyone just needs to fuck off me today.

Dysfunctional to disowned

When Jordan first told me that we'd all be a family, I didn't think I'd fit in. And although it took me a while, time proved him right. Last year was probably the most amazing theatre family I had. This year, I am the matriarch. And it sucks. It isn't at all how it was supposed to be, or even how I imagined it.

Everything is secluded. Joe, Javon, and I versus the little Asian girls and their friends. Tomorrow is supposed to be an awards banquet, and when I announced it they all started talking about some beach thing they were doing. All year, I have not been invited to any of the "theatre" things they've done. It's not a "theatre thing" if it's not planned by the whole group for the whole group.

It upsets me so much to see how all of Ms. Sully's teachings have gone to such shit for some girl who wants to control everything and do really nothing just so she can look successful. And there's so much I have to say about it that I can barely think. Honestly, I could probably write a novel about how my theatre family when from dysfunctional to disowning me. It hurts. My theatre "family" sucks this year.

Glitter and Googley Eyes

Lately I've gotten really busy with the production of "Daylight Romance" as well as finals. It's been about two weeks now that I've been meaning to post, but I just haven't had the time at all. Other than school, I've just been trying to put together outfits that will make me feel better about myself, but I haven't really been succeeding. I still feel like shit. I'm still fat. I'm still ugly. But these outfits are cute. Plus, my hair has been dyed again. Though I do sort of wish I had just left it alone. (Another topic below these four OOTDs)

On Saturday, there was a conversation Luis had started with me. It's literally been bothering me that long. Not so much the conversation itself, but the fact that it seems there's a reason behind it or just that he had something on his mind I guess, and the fact that he ignored something he started. I don't really know how to explain myself, just that I like to document things in the moment and then I can't really decode them later on.

Here's how our conversation went:

Luis: But my point is how could we be friends if there's other things going on in your mind????

Me: There's always other things going on in the minds of people like me Luis. Why so curious?
Luis: Nothing subconcious that will arise later? Nothing that will get in between a friendship??
Me: Christ you sure do know how to make one feel backed into a corner. Subconcious? I don't really know. As for something that will get in between a friendship, I think I could prevent that.

Then there was the:

"Sorry but I've been in this situation before. Two girls. One I wanted and the other that kept everything to herself. Turns out that the other girl ended up liking me more than the girl I was chasing."

And we can't forget the:

Me: I feel odd now that I'm at a loss for words... I guess I just don't like to talk about things when there's a higher risk for me to be sad after I have.

Luis: Yeah but there's a higher risk of losing a friend over hidden emotions. So please, talk this through when you can.

Me: If emotions are hidden, then there'd be no risk.

Luis: Yeah, it seems that way until someone ends up getting hurt.
Me: It's usually the one who tries hiding emotions. Anyways, I suppose I could start with the night you asked me if I still had any remaining feelings. Maybe 5/6 months ago. I said no, even though I felt something, only because I wasn't sure what it was and wanted you to be happy. Maybe a month later, I felt a regret in doing so but knew it wasn't likely to have made a difference had I said so.

Luis: Yeah I remember but I'm focusing on now

Me: That's the thing, it's just as before with my not knowing exactly what's going on in my mind, and preferring to just keep quiet.
Luis: No, not this time Bridgette! I want this done and out in the open please.

Then there was the sending of messages at the same time which resulted in this:

Me: Why? It's not a problem and if you say it is, it's because you're making it so. It can't be very obvious or anything that there is some small feeling, especially because I've got no idea why.

Luis: But you're right. I'll ignore it.

Me: Just stated above so it clearly can't be ignored.

I mean, I just don't understand his train of thought. Like, why would this be anything similar to the other situation with the two females? And where did the concept of "hidden emotions" come from? I just don't understand why he seems to care so much about something that has never been talked about. Where did his theory, or blatant knowing, come from?