Yes, I suppose my title sounded sarcastic but it wasn't. I really don't understand why people with unfulfilling lives have to jump into others to create messes just to have some sort of satisfaction. What does one really get out of making someone else feel the need to harm themselves, like they are a bad person, or just want to disappear? I'm sure the satisfactory feeling cannot last that long if you actually need to hurt others to thrive, so it seems pointless.
I wonder when it came to be that people got mad at their friends for sharing interests. Growing up and even now I think that people search for others with common interests, hobbies, and thought patterns, etc. That's what makes this all the more confusing. Surely if one wants friends with some common ground to share, then they'd only be angry out of jealousy.
Picture this: you have a friend in grade school, maybe year 6. At that time there isn't really much to have in common as far as hobbies go, or at least I never noticed. It was always about a favourite band, movie, television show, celebrity, or disliked teachers and schoolmates in common. So you have your best friend. Then you have similar interests in books and films and what you want to do on your free time.
It sounds like it shouldn't be any trouble, and I have rarely known it to be. Most of my friends are happy to have common interests. So why has it become such a problem between Taira and I?
Back in 7th grade we became fast friends because we were into the same trends and things before they'd trend. She, Stacie, and I all took yoga together and it was one of our favourite things. Then as we got older it was more Stacie and I finding our own groups of friends but staying close, and Taira and I finding our own groups of friends but staying close. Going to different schools being the reason, I'm sure.
As our friendship continued, so did our quests to find ourselves and what we wanted to be and do. It's a shame that somehow that got in the way. At the start of high school I was all about fashion, modeling, and photography (both serious and just for fun.) We'd have small photoshoots, both of us styling the outfits and taking the pictures, hair, makeup, and editing being her thing. As it continued I became more serious about my photography even though I could not afford a professional camera; then so did she, who ended up getting a beautiful DSLR with multiple lenses. Of course, I was a little jealous over what had become her nice, new toy, but I wasn't going to let that get in the way of our friendship. And why should it have? True, she didn't have to work for her camera while I would, but those who are hardworking are the ones that make it right?
That was just start of many instances of my interests being handed to her, and her interests being things that also sometimes interested me. Somewhere in all of this, back before the photography thing was Livia.
Livia and Taira had been friends for the same time as Tara and I, though it seemed as if Taira did not really want Livia and I to be friends or Livia did not like me. While that was a problem in the beginning, Taira again tried to get us to befriend each other and we did. This friendship is one of much in common, with frequent arguments in the beginning, we've discovered many similarities and have worked out any small bumps along the way. There is when it seems Taira had some issues - now her best friend was Also my friend. Not the entire cause of her hate for me, but surely some.
This last year has become most of our problem. Having enrolled myself in multiple college courses, and her being on her high school drill team, I would figure we wouldn't have that much time to argue. It seems I was wrong; even through all of that this year has held the most problems in our 6 year friendship.
It was probably June when Kris decided to tell Taira he liked me, and she decided to let me in on what the situation was. And what was I to do? This boy was my friend Alex's ex, and for obvious reasons that would only cause problems. Not to mention I was already involved in something that had to be a secret for reasons I can't even begin to explain. So I told Kris that I just wanted to be friends and get to know him (clearly, I couldn't say I was in a relationship.) He'd ask me out for ice-skating just about every weekend that summer. It was lovely, and looking back I should have excepted. But, as prior mentioned: involved.
When the start of term came, in September for Taira (August for me), things were good. Exciting. She had found a boy to like, and hopefully that boy would actually treat her like the princess she is, unlike the rest. Me, my summer interest had seemingly been ripped away from me by people who couldn't mind their own business, and I had begun taking a subtle interest in the boy who had liked me since summer.
Kris became quite the issue. Not only did he still like me, but it was revealed that he was also the boy that Taira had taking a liking to. What was I supposed to do then other than let it go? Every guy she had gotten involved with screwed her over and I still had feelings for the one that was my secret. All was well, peaceful. Then Kris had mentioned how he still liked me, and it was all downhill. She told me he was going to ask me to homecoming, and he did.
I was in a corner, it felt like. Here was my best friend, who really liked this guy even though she knew he liked me and her feelings were never as serious as she claimed, and there was a really sweet guy who not only liked me but needed a date to his senior homecoming. So, that being said, I accepted. Taira became highly upset with me, even through my explanation that I'd simply be going as his friend because every senior should have a date for their events. Through arguing with my mum because of the way Taira was acting, I was told I could no longer go (at least not as long as I lived under her roof.) And for some reason that broke my heart. Yet, it was okay, because there was still that boy - that secret.
A month had passed, maybe more, and Taira and I had become friends again. Though that too fell apart know December when my advice for a situation she was in was not what avenue wanted to hear. This situation I speak of is so extreme and so private to her, I dare not speak of it. Months went by. Months. In March, I see decided that in order to better myself, I had to let go of the past and not stick in silly fights with others. I apologised and things were good.
Or so I thought. In all reality, there were still things she had had not let go of. And now, just over a month later, we are no longer friends. One day I am getting harassed by her and Jenna, a mutual friend, for stating that I have a distaste for their friend Jade (whom Taira knows I do not like.) A few days later comes an apology, for she "does not know what has gotten into her." Add a few more days and she's become angry over my interest in having an overlay inatagram. That's right, an overlay instagram, simply because she is also interested and has one.
Since when did petty things like that make it okay to tell someone that they "like every single boy that breathes near you, including ones your friends liked before, you don't have your own fucking personality be sure you copy every fucking thing the people around you do." Or "no. Shut the fuck up. That's fucking bullshit hahaha you're a fucking asshole." (Mind you, this is all in caps and untrue.)
According to a later text, it was Andrew she was talking about and not Kris. Funny though, as I'm not trying to get with him. It seems hypocritical to be mad at me if I was though, being as how her best friend Jade introduced them, tried to hook them up, and then got with him. Not only that but "L o fucking L the photo thing? Really? Wow." So because you take interest to my passion, I can get mad, but because I take interest to your hobby, I'm a bad person all around? That is completely illogical.
Although I do feel kind of like shit about myself after having been bullied into feeling that way for over and hour, I've come to think it's some sort of inferiority complex because she's always angry when I get attention that she doesn't. Oh, that angsty teen bullshit.
Now here's a photo of me with my photography wall because every blog entry needs a damn picture so it's not so boring.
